So if you've read the previous blog, you know what NOT to look for, so lets set up some criteria for getting involved with a good guy. This may mean rewiring your radar. And please, when alarm bells go off, don’t stand around wondering if you can rescue the guy, run. RUN AS FAR AND AS FAST AS YOU CAN!
Ok. So you’re faced with potential prospect. You’re chatting, you’re getting to know each other. How do you tell if he’s got potential. Well, I always used to choose a man based on 3 criteria. I like to call it the head, the heart and the groin tripod. A tripod will fall down if one of it's three legs is too short, so what you need is a semi-equal measure of each of the following...
The Head: You have to like him. You have to find him interesting. You have to be able to talk for hours. You have to have similar ethics and you have to agree on major issues – it’s no use dating a homophobe if you’re all for gay marriage… and if you’re a weekly churchgoer and he’s a rabid atheist there’s almost no chance of a successful relationship.
The Heart: Do you have an emotional connection with him? Is he a good guy? Is he kind? Does he have nice things to say about people? Is he quick to anger? You need to know that this man has a gentle and loving spirit. That he will be gentle and loving with his partner and his offspring.
The Groin: Sex appeal… this is NOT about looks and more about attitude. I like slightly cocky guys who are completely confident about themselves sexually. He doesn’t have to be George Clooney but you do need to have a physical attraction. If there’s absolutely no chemistry now, chances are there wont be any later. If you’re not a particularly sexual person and he isn’t either, this may not be a problem but if you have a strong sex drive and don’t want to shag him then you are just looking for trouble. And vice versa.
Stop being so damn superficial! Sex appeal is MUCH more important than a pretty face or a washboard stomach. If you have always been solely attracted to drop dead gorgeous then try to start looking for beauty in all the men you meet. Focus on the things you like. Don’t look at the slight double chin, look at the sexy, long lashed eyes and wicked smile. Don’t let your eyes linger on the little paunch, check out that fabulous ass! Laugh with someone. I think a long loud giggle is much sexier than a long smouldering look. In my experience, once you’re in love with someone they get better and better looking and you stop noticing the skew teeth or the flaring nostrils that bugged you initially. Looks fade fast but a fabulous brain will still be sexy at 90.
I like the last sentence ! I discovered last week that I am, actually, in love with my man's brain (and we just celebrated our 13th anniversary so it was about time !). The fact that he is good looking is just a bonus. The sex connection matters, for sure, that is what make the relationship special and take it to another level.
ReplyDeleteIf my sister could read English, I would have had her read your post. She is with a man with a "Heart" issue and doesn't listen to alarm bells...
Ah, murielle, we have ALL been there. She'll hopefully get past it. I dated a guy years ago who was a total nutjob, hated his mom and sister and referred to his friends as assholes and fuckwits. Turned out his heart issue was a complete lack of heart.
ReplyDeleteAnd I love how as you get older your definition of sexy moves from the abs and pecs to the eyes and head...