Ok, so he fits the criteria. Now to let him know you like him. there a few ways of doing this. Start subtle – play with your hair and touch your lips (sexily mind, no yanking). Watch his lips when he talks. Check to see if he’s watching your lips (a little smear of lipgloss wont hurt at this point). Be amusing. Tell a funny story that always gets a laugh. Don’t overdo it unless you’re VERY good at flirting outrageously. Flirt back as much as feels comfortable, enjoy yourself, be yourself – a positive-pleasant-you please, nothing like a bit of nasty and negative to put a man off from the get go. Laugh at his jokes, listen to him. Without simpering, make him feel singled out and interesting.
If he’s completely obtuse get a mutual friend to say something. Nothing too intense, a simple ‘Why don’t you take Lisa out for a coffee sometime, I have a feeling you guys have a lot in common?’ Whatever. Make them promise not to gush or put any pressure on the guy, and be CASUAL about the whole thing, otherwise they tend to feel like deer in headlights.
If you don’t have mutual friends, facebook is a great tool. You can say ‘Hey, your new profile pic is fab. I like you without the beard.’ or get even more daring and say ‘Hey, nice profile pic. Are you coming to Gavin’s party on Sunday?’ It’s a great way to find out where he’s gone, where he’s going and who he hangs out with. Don’t stalk though – or if you have to stalk, do so invisibly, by this I mean, don’t leave comments on all his pics.
You can also take matters into your own hands. I have always been forthright about what I wanted. Ask him out. ‘Let’s get a coffee sometime.’ If you are too shy to be bold, say ‘I saw the trailer for that new Steven Soderberg movie. It looks brilliant, I cant wait to go see it, it opens on Friday.’ (note, don’t try lure him with a romantic comedy – you may fall for that bait but guys will generally avoid chick flicks like the plague. Choose an action/ thriller/ comedy or for an intellectual, creative guy, something art house. And make sure it IS something you want to see, don’t misrepresent yourself up front) If he doesn’t take the bait and say ‘Cool, me too, lets do it.’ then you can say ‘I’m thinking of getting a few people together to go see it, would you like to come?’ If he says no, don’t be disheartened, he may be too obtuse to realise you’re interested… or he may not fancy you. Tough one… And if that is the case, try to shrug it off.
If he’s ‘not that into you’.
There are a million reasons why he may not be ready to get with you, it’s not because you’re not completely fabulous. Maybe he’s in love with someone else. Maybe he has work stress. Maybe he’s really enjoying being single after a long relationship. And then yes, maybe you’re not his type… As hard as this may be to come to terms with, you have to. Suck it up, move along. I once spent almost a year in love with a guy who only fancied short, voluptuous black girls. I’m tall, red haired and pale… I desperately tried to get him to fall in love with me but the bottom line is, I WASN’T HIS TYPE. Simple as that. This is a classic mistake single women often make. They find someone who doesn’t – and will never – love them and then focus all their energy on the guy trying to make them see how wonderful and worthwhile they are. Instead of moving on and finding someone who already thinks you’re fabulous and you don’t have to keep trying to prove it. We’ve all done it, now learn from it and move along...
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